“Ruckus”…the act of making a disturbance!
Do you try to avoid creating a Ruckus? Do you feel uncomfortable when you invite tension in the room? Would you rather spend your energy establishing harmony?
I get that, sure. But SOMETIMES IT’S NECESSARY TO CREATE A “MEANINGFUL RUCKUS”!!
My client Becka was very sheepish about talking to her husband regarding how she wanted to spend and invest their household income. Her husband had a dominant personality and a well articulated view of how they should be making decisions regarding their money. In comparison my client really valued harmony and tended to cave when the discussion regarding money came up in their relationship so she would not have to deal with the tension the conversation created. Simply put, she valued harmony more than being heard, so she let him have the lions share of the decision-making power in the relationship when it came to making decisions about their money.
Until one day…Beck decided that she wanted to give more generously to her mother who was on a limited income and was struggling to make ends meet. This was an issue that became increasingly important to her as she watched her mother struggle, so she decided to navigate the tension between her and her husband, hoping to get him on board with a financial agreement to give her mother financial support.
As Becka sat in my office and told me about the conversation with her husband , this is what I heard…
” I feel bad because this discussion has caused tension between us”.
“I really don’t want to cause stress for my husband, he is a good man and has done well for us financially”.
” I feel guilty for starting a conflict between us”.
Becka was associating the FEELING OF TENSION with HAVING DONE SOMETHING WRONG!
We well bred-women have put a lot of energy into learning how to be polite, kind and generous of spirit. We have not been given the powerful but important message that sometimes WE NEED TO CAUSE A MEANINGFUL RUCKUS! In fact, it’s an important part of finding your voice and having a say in your world. What you think matters, your perspective on the matter is an important part of the equation. Your perspective is as important as the person you are having the conversation with.
Sometimes causing a ruckus and inviting a little tension in the room is as valuable as maintaining peace and harmony, because what you have to say needs to be included in the decision making process, even if it creates tension.
Here is what I am inviting you to consider…
….Is it possible that a little tension and a little ruckus might be a necessary part of finding your VOICE?
….Can you give yourself permission to allow for some tension in the room and not feel like you have personally done something wrong?
DON’T CONFUSE CREATING TENSION WITH HAVING DONE SOMETHING WRONG. SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO CREATE A MEANINGFUL RUCKUS!!
Sometimes the tension is necessary to create change, to be heard, to value your VOICE in the same way that you value the VOICE of others!
Is there a place in your life that you have not shared your VOICE because you don’t want to deal with the tension?
On a scale of 1-10 how important is it to you? If it ranks high on your scale of importance does it make it easier to manage the tension you are inviting?
Does imagining the outcome you want to achieve make it easier to see that you are not rocking the boat, but that you are really trying to contribute your VOICE to the decision making process?
I believe in you. I believe in your Voice. I believe your Voice is a vital part of your world.
INVITE A MEANINGFUL RUCKUS!!
I look forward to your thoughts, comments and dialogue!
If you have found this post helpful or insightful, please share it with the women in your life!
Thank you Barbara!
Margo the inability to manage the tension and fear of consequences played a huge role in my part of losing my marriage. It’s not too late for me to learn….thank you for validating that!
Thank you for your comment and sharing your spirit of awareness. We are collectively learning how to discern when tension is nessessary and vital to creating healthy relationships. Blessings!
Thank you for helping me find my voice. We are never to old to learn. Can I get an Amen.
Amen! Learning to find our Voice is a life long process. We are never too young or old to find our Voice!
Great conversation starter and an important message, Margo! I think we as women too often try to avoid “taking up too much space in a discussion” because we worry about how another may react. Whereas male counterparts often do not worry about that. Societal privileges have allowed men to feel that they are entitled to taking that space. We have to work extra hard as women to counteract those feelings and speak up for ourselves lest we lose our voice! This spoken word poem that I LOVE really speaks to this topic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQucWXWXp3k
Thank you Mimi for a well-articulated response to the societal contribution of what keeps women from speaking up! I love your spoken word poem. It is very powerful! Please continue to keep the conversation going!
Yes! Yes! and Thousand times yes. A Meaningful Ruckus is a real and necessary thing.
Thank you Adele for sharing your Voice! Creating a Meaningful Ruckus is valuable and necessary!
This really resonated with me! Thank you!
So glad the post inspired you! Your welcome!
Glad to hear we are never too old to learn and change. Thank you for recognizing the need in women to speak up and be heard. Hard to overcome the the conditioning of “being seen but not heard”. It carried through from childhood even into my senior years. but with your help I’m stepping out and taking risks.
Your comment has truly made my heart leap. You are AMAZING and should never stand in the shadows. Share your VOICE! Step out of the shadows with confidence. I hear your voice and it is beautiful and trustworthy.